Chester: I'm sick of people yelling. The only person I wanna hear yell is me.
Other members: What about us, though? Yeah, we're sick of THAT.
Rob: This is the beautiful room service chicken fricassee.
Mike: What does it smell like, Rob?
*Rob smells and doesn't seem to enjoy it very much*
Brad *laughs*: I can't believe you got that close to it.
Rob: It's bad.
Mike: Dude, put the cover back on it. It smells like b.o.!
Chester: If something isn't working, I have no problem with telling Brad that hey this needs to be better...
Brad: Dude, why are you always singling me out!
Chester: ...and Brad doesn't have a problem doing the same thing to us.
Brad: I'm sick of it dude!
Chester: Sorry bro. I'm sorry.
Interviewer: Do you also take into consideration on what the fans...
Brad: I was just kidding. We're not really in a fight.
Interviewer: I know, I know. That's why I just totally ignored you and when...
Brad: I was dramatizing.*Brads whispers something to Chester*
Chester: Yeah, I'll probably be running for the governor of California.
Interviewer: Is that your idea or his idea?
Chester: Actually he's my campaign manager so he advised me on how...
*Brads whispers something to Chester*
Chester: Thank you. *does peace sign* I want peace in the world.
Mike: That’s why the name Hybrid Theory, because Brad is a hybrid between a man and a woman!!!!
"You haven't lived until you've drawn a 90 year old woman naked." - Mike
"Rob will drive himself insane and he'll play for 10 hours and then he goes home and dreams about drums, he eats with drumsticks and so on." - Chester
Joe: You need to perform better, I've seen you do better.
Chester: I haven't done anything yet!
Chester: See what pressure they put me under. I'm a singer not an actor. Who do you think I am? Eric Roberts?
Q: Do you have any wild stories or embarrassing moments to share, while living on the road?
Mike: I almost ran over Chester with a golf cart when we were in Florida.
Chester: That was pure evil.
Q: What's your plans for Valentine's Day?
Interviewer: What are you going to do in London? A few drinkypoos?
Mike: We actually got a present from our record company out here, they greeted us with alcohol. Cases of lager.
Brad: Which is great because some of us don't really drink so it's nice, but like...
Interviewer: Well this is London.
Brad: Well I'm not going to drink it...
Mike: You'd better drink it, or I'm going to force it down your throat.
Brad: ...It's like, great, vodka. Thanks.
Mike: Which just means that there's more for Joe.
Joe (who has so far been sitting in an enigmatic silence): Yeah. I'm a whore.
Q: If you were stranded in the middle of nowhere, who in the band would you eat first and why?Chester: Joe has the largest fat content, in the cooking process his meat would have the most flavour.
Phoenix: I don't know who I'd eat first, but Brad would be last... he's all bone and grissle.
"Phoenix was saying, do you get tons of gifts because you’re a hot half Japanese or because you sit first in line?" - Mike
Mike: I'm going to sprout wings out of my ass one day and fly around the world.
Chester: Sounds like fun, can I join you?
Mike: I like the green apple.
Joe: Hehe green froggie apple!
Chester: Crushed melon is good!
Rob: Hehehe, you said melon!
Chester: There was another time when Mike was in a really foul mood and we had to make a pit stop so he could use a porta potty.
Joe: I remember this one!
Chester: Anyways, Mike went to use the porta potty and we were waiting inside the RV. It was Joe's idea, but we all got out and started to rock the thing back and forth. We didn't mean to, but we ended up tipping the porta potty over while Mike was in it!
Mike: That was so not funny.
Joe: Yeah it was, you should have seen the look on your face when you got out of there!
Rob: Mike was covered in crap. He had to strip down before we let him back on the bus because he smelled so bad!
Chester: Then we attacked him with air freshener.
Brad: Mike, were you like in a pop group before Linkin Park?
Mike: I was in Menudo.
Brad: I heard that you can sing and dance real nice. Is it true you had a fight with Ricky Martin, and that's why they kicked you out? Or was it the age thing?
Mike: Ricky is an ass. He's just bitter 'cause my name was first on the first cd.
Joe: What the hell is it with you and Jiggly Puffs?
Chester: What the hell is it with you and frogs?
Joe: Don't disrespect the almighty froggy!
Chester: Oooooh I'm scared! Should I run?Joe: Yes very, very fast.
Mike: Most of us met a long time ago. Brad and I met in junior high and we met Rob in high school, we met Joe in college.
Chester: And they made me in college in a chemistry class. They copied Frankenstein's work and used pieces of dead people, which is why I have to wear this (*touches his spiked collar*), to hide the scar tissue.
Mike: Except we were in art school. That was the whole problem. In art school, and there were no really good chemistry classes: so look what we came up with!
Chester: Yeah, we really like each other.
Mike: Well he likes me, but I can't stand him.
Chester (in teary voice): Well, I guess not then!
Joe: I have a nice ass!
Chester: No,you have a bigass.
Mike: A big fatass
Someone: Awwe, don't make fun of Joe's ass!
Joe: Hehehe you said ass!
Joe: Yes I do think Britney's boobies are fake!
Mike: Hehe boobies!
Chester: I like small boobies. Small ones are just right. Big ones are baaad. I'd be afraid that I'd get suffocated by them if they were too big.
"I'm just a regular guy, you know? There's no leotard and cape under my clothes. I shit, I piss, I drink too much and throw up, just like everybody else." - Chester
MTV: Let's talk about your success. You've sold over a million records...
Mike: We've sold a million records?
Chester: We did?MTV: Have you?
Chester: Have you ever played the Penis Game?
Chester: The Penis Game!
Cane: What the hell is that?!
Chester: Wanna play it with me?Cane: Uh, no thanks!
Mike: Oh come on, you know you do!
Cane: Would someone mind telling me what the hell the Penis Game is?
Chester: It's where I slap you with my penis!
Joe: No it's not! Someone says Penis really quietly and then someone else repeats but in a louder tone and then it keeps going and going until it gets really loud and the louded person wins!
Cane: Oh, okay.
Brad: Phoenix has no penis!
Phoenix: Now that you mention it, my name kinda ryhmes with Penis!
Joe: No it doesn't!
Rob: Hey, Joe, what are ya listening to?
Joe: Uh, nothing...
Brad: He's listening to Chester's Madonna CD's.
Joe: No I'm not!!!Chester: What?! I never said you could listen to them!!
Joe: I'm not!!
Chester: I'm gonna kill you, you hacker!!!
Joe: Leave me alone!!! *hides his face in his arms*
Mike: It's okay, Joe... Chester's not gonna hurt you...
Chester: Yeah, I'm not gonna hurt you.... I'm just gonna...
Joe: NO!!!! NOT THE FROGGY!!!
Chester: Oh, ok.... geez, I was just joking....
Joe *sniffs*: No you weren't.... you were gonna... you were gonna..
Brad: Here, do you want Mr. Froggy???
Phoenix: Yeah, Mr. Froggy won't hurt you...Joe *takes the stuffed animal*: Ok, thanks...
Mike's attement at an English Accent:
Mike: "Listen 'eres wat's goin on, wat we've got is da real drums ....'bang bang bang' got dem, and we got da fake drums ... 'bang bang bang'... that dont make any noise and he's (points) sayin why you av dis sutupid fing, cuz they make a sound on the sampla ever ere. I'm speekin in yer language......I'm just tryin to relate .... its okay right?...."
Phoenix: "Hey Mike, they said you sound South African" (LAUGHTER!!!)
Q: How did you guys meet?
Mike: Well, actually, Chester and I met at a male strip club.
Chester: Yeah, we were both looking for jobs there.
Mike: They said I couldn't have the job because my butt was too big.
Chester: Yeah I had a what they call, a Krispy Kreme. It's where you have this circle of fat around your bellybutton that looks like a donut.
Joe: That's from eating to many donuts
Q: Why does Brad wear headphones in concert?
Brad: Brad cannot reveal his inspiration.
Mike: When Brad's being mysterious he speaks in the third person.
Mike: When Mike speaks in the third person he makes himself crazy.
Brad: Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich.
Q: Who has the worst habits in the band?
Chester: I would say that I'm probably the most annoying. There's a reason for it.
Brad: C'mon Chester!
Chester: I'm always touching them in their privates!
Brad: Yeah, Chester the molester!
Mike: I'm not a very reading person, I like to look at pictures.
Chester: Mike likes porno.
Mike: I don't like porno. I like graphics...
Q: Have there been any casualties on tour yet?
Mike: I chipped a tooth on a mic once. I hurt my back in the pit.
Chester got spit on. We got human fesces thrown on us. We got a sign one time when we were playing with Union Underground a couple of months ago that said, "Go Back To The Suburbs". Chester held it up and said, "We love fan mail." In the beginning they were talking some trash but by the end they were signing up for our street team. Chester kissed both of them on the face. The kids standing around were rolling on the floor laughing. I'm trying to think because I know there have been way more casualties. We've been hit and broken things. Brad's guitar has hit me in the head before. I actually threw up in my mouth in Des Moines.
Q: Ew... gross!
Mike: You wouldn't believe how dangerous it is to drive around with scented candles lit in the bus, but it's necessary.
Chaz: We actually got smart and bought sticky velcro and put on either side of the candles, so they wouldn't roll around.
Joe: I want to get a pet frog and name it kermit! Or barky larky!
Chaz: Barky larky?
Joe: Yeah got a problem with that?
Interviewer: what do you guys do for fun?
Chester: We make fun of Mike's head
Chaz: Oh man...I think I disconnected or something
Interviewer: What type of machine are you using?
Chaz: Its called a computer
Chester: The best thing i've ever done to my parents was learning to use the toilet.
Mike in London: You know what's nice is that our posters are right next to the sign for the toilets.
Rob: I live on a bus!
Mike: Yeah, I live on a bus, that's my home.
Chaz: Not only that, but I can't sleep anywhere, but the fuckin' bus! I need to buy a bus and park it in front of my house, so that when I go home, at night when I go to bed, I just go to the bed. Or I need to install a half of a bus in my room, with bunks, so I can sleep in it.
Joe: Mike! Give me froggy back!!
Mike: Magic word?
Joe: No, I'm not gonna say it!
Mike: Say it, or froggy goes down the hole. (Joe's eyes widened.)
Joe: Mike your so hot, your one sexy bitch! Mike laughs and throws froggy down the hole anyway.
Joe screams.Joe: NOOO!! (Slow motion) Joe crys and hits
Mike. Joe: I'm telling Chester on you!! YOU KILLED FROGGY!!
Phoenix: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
Chester: Huh? Lenny?
Joe: Lenny Kravitz?
Phoenix: No I said Kenny! Southpark, you know!
Chester: Mr.Hanky rules! Pooooooopoooo!
Q: So how do you guys like fame?
Mike: We're famous?
Chester: Are you sure?
Mike: That's craptacular!
Mike: Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
Chester: And sometimes you feel like my nuts.
Mike: Hehe, I know where Joe lives!!
Brad: Where, under the bridge??
Chaz: Hey, that's what I was gonna say!!!
Chaz: I'm a big dork.
Mike: You have a big dork too.
Chaz: Yes I know.
Chester: Brad has stinky feet! It smells like a skunk died in both his shoes!
Mike: Yeah Chester likes to smell people's shoes.
Chester: My shoes smell spiffy! Wanna sniff?
"I don't think you should ever be ashamed or afraid of who you are or anything that's happened to you. Life is good man. You can either feel like the victim all the time or get off your ass and do what you want to do!" ~ Chester